The Struggle...

I'm feeling really low at the moment. I know it is work that is causing it, I'm working fucking 12 hour days again and they really take their toll on me. I'm also making sure that even when I leave work at 8pm at night I'm still going to the gym. I have to keep up keep going or I will lose momentum and I won't make the change that I am so desperate to make. I really made a promise to myself last time I got in this situation with work that I wouldn't do it again, but I don't know how to make a difference. Greg said to me "... just don't work the hours your doing, what can they do about it? You're only contracted for 40 hours per week..." It's so much easier said than done though. When there is only you to do it all, who do you have to fall back on, who do you have to take some of the pressure off of you? If it's not done today then it's just waiting for you again tomorrow and so is your boss - ready to scream at you like you're a fucking mangy dog. I'm not sure how someone with such appalling management skills can be running such a successful company, but I guess it's because people like me - make it right. We fill his pockets with all that money that allows him to drive a BMW and take 3 week long vacations in posh villas in France. Ok he might work long hours also, but he really benefits from it. It does frustrate me that in business, the workers, the ones who make most of the money see so little of it. At the end of the day would more money make this better anyway? I guess a little.. However when you're tired, when they days are getting shorter and the rain sets in, you're bound to feel a little blue. Right now I just feel like going home and getting a big hug from my Mum, getting drunk with my brother, arguing with my sister, hanging out with my other brother while not drinking or smoking and getting some solid advice from my Dad - even if I don' always act on it straight away...
Here is my misery song of the moment... "Fix You" by ColdPlay.


When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you