I can't shake the desire to...

It was this photo that sparked off my recent battle with the concept of fatherhood. A couple of years back the parents of this very cute, little guy asked me if I would be interested in assisting them to have a child by way of a small donation. I wanted to, I really did, but I declined. Why? At that time I thought I would be going back to Australia and well, I don't know how I would handle having a child, my own flesh and blood living on the other side of the world. For one it would make for very expensive visits. Every second weekend may be a problem and I want to be a part of my child's life - if I ever have one. I've been asked again twice since then and I came very close to saying yes again. In fact I did say yes and then later declined. It was a very difficult decision. I'm of the opinion I would make a good dad, I couldn't be any worse than my biological father. Maybe I want to make up for his mistakes. The reality remains, I'm maybe a little too selfish to have my own child. Unlike my dog, I can't just leave it with my Mum when I decide to take off on another worldly adventure. I can't just leave it crying when I'm hungover after a big night out and don't want to get out of bed. I can't just leave it with a friend when I am doing overtime at work. But I know I could love, provide for, care and support a new life to explore this amazing world we live in. A little part of me to go on after I am gone. This is why I can't shake the desire to be a dad.