Friday, October 06, 2006

I am not a door mat!!

I thought today was going to be difficult even before it started. Yesterday I was training at the new call centre in Amsterdam. During the day I received a number of calls from people in our team saying that my manager was again going crazy at us. He was shouting and generally treating people like shite again. They said I was lucky to be away, but to expect that he would target me upon my return.
went to sleep last night and I woke up today thinking about nothing other than how the conversation would run. I played it out over and over in my head. It was driving me crazy. I had checked my email last night from home and saw an email from him with all his complaints, along with a meeting schedule for 9.30am this morning.

My walk to work was filled with anticipation. Would he shout at me so much again that his face would be the colour of blood and saliva would spray from his mouth? I had no doubt that unless he had been sedated with valium over night this would be the case.
When I arrived at work I printed out the email he had sent me and I sat there for half an hour writing my rebuttal to his arguments - most of which I have to say were just a load of rubbish. Normally he speaks to me in such a way that I am totally confused and I never say half the things I meant to. Today however, I was going to be prepared. If he started speaking to me like a filthy door mat one more time I was going to walk out of the office and not speak with him until he could do it in a civil manner.

9.30 arrived and I entered his room. My breath was shallow and I had a knot in my stomach. The last time anyone had ever spoken to me with such rage as he did, was when my father used to shout at me for some reason or another and that was usually right before I had my hair grabbed and was lead to my room like a badly behaved dog.
I sat down and it wouldn't have been more than 30 seconds before he started making crazy remarks and allegations about my performance in my role.
It was totally clear at this point that the control freak actually had no idea what he was talking about. That in fact, he has paid so little interest in me that he doesn't really know what I am doing. He never admits to the fact however that I do it all on my own, with no support from management. That I actually do some things really well and never receive a pat on the back. I only ever hear when they are dissatisfied with something and generally that is most of the time - so why not do it your fucking self if you can do it so much better!

His faced reddened and I could feel what was coming. I sat there and I began to listen, I started to recoil into my submissive position and then as if I were a spring shooting from a box, the minute he took a breath I launched in with my rebuttals to his comments, but it didn't stop there. I put forward my argument for every comment one after another that he had made in his email. I never gave him a chance to speak. I had to take some control of the situation.
Now it was my face that was going red. Not red from anger, but red because I felt so nervous about what I was doing, but I couldn't stop. My face went so hot. Beginning in my neck and working it's way up. Eventually my face was so flushed and hot that my eyes went a little watery, but I went on. I explained why I thought his arguments were unfair. I said my piece and I made my story very clear. I've been working crazy hours for this man with not one bit of thanks so I was not going to be spoken to like shite again.

The conversation ended some time after with him confessing to have "maybe" not communicated as effectively as he could. He then tried to make some lame jokes to lighten the mood before he told me it had never been his intention to "bollock" me - yeah right!
For one little moment I had a victory. For one little moment I was king. I had obviously used being well versed in the English language to my advantage and I walked out of there with a smile on my face. A smile which represented that I felt a little pride in myself for once, because I knew I was right.
Needless to say I have no doubt he will be up to his old tricks again some time soon, but today was my day...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Pat on the back old boy. I'm damm sure its the last time he gives you the chance to prepare your arguments - but it's about time someone else showed him what a bollocking really is!! Love ya!